


Miserere mei, Deus

by mangotangerine



Series: We're Going to Hell [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Priest, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blasphemy, Bottom Castiel, Dirty Talk, Fluff, I'm Going to Hell, Kissing, M/M, Mostly Smut, Priest, Priest Kink, Priest!Cas, Rimming, Roman Catholicism, Sacrilege, Sinner!Dean, Top Dean, breaking vows of chastity, catholic priest, dean in a confessional, everyone is going to hell, fornication and general sinning, general naughtiness, near the end, some fluffy feels at the end, sort of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 17:20:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5013295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangotangerine/pseuds/mangotangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel likes his job as a Priest; he enjoys ministering to his congregation, being shepherd to his flock, and generally tries to do good. He's tempted, sometimes, sure, and maybe he's had a moment or two where he's fallen off the wagon and broken his vow of chastity, but he *always* does penance after, reflecting on his sins, praying daily, until he is sure he won't do it again.</p>
<p>Enter Dean Winchester, new member of the Church who is determined to pull Castiel down with him into the deep fiery pit of hell reserved for homosexuals and fornicators, and Castiel can't seem to find it in him to care.</p>
<p>If he had to choose between eternal damnation and Dean, well... at least Dean would be there right next to him in hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miserere mei, Deus

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not actually Catholic, so I just watched a Mass on Youtube and read some stuff about Catholic prayers... soo, uhh, if this is inaccurate, that would be why. :D

_Averte faciem tuam a peccatis meis_  
_Et omnes iniquitates meas dele_  
 _Cor mundum crea in me Deus_  
 _Et spiritum rectum innova in visceribus meis_

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,” the voice on the other side of the confessional was deep, edged with a hint of _something_ that didn’t sound like remorse at all.

“How long has it been since your last confession?” Castiel responded, tipping his head back against the wall. He knew exactly whose body that voice belonged to.

“Two months, seven days.”

“Your sins?”

“I’ve lied… missed Mass quite a bit before I came back, hmm… what else? Oh! I punched a few people, cheated some out of money playing pool at the bar. I don’t really know how often, haven’t really been paying attention.”

Castiel gave a small sigh, shaking his head. “Have you reflected on your sins? Are you truly remorseful?”

The voice was quiet for a moment. Castiel could almost _feel_ the smirk in the other man’s voice. “I mean, I’ve thought about them. I guess I feel kinda bad, you know, for lying to my brother. Missing Mass too, maybe. Not being able to see the baby blue eyes and pretty face of that sexy priest that’s running this church.”

Castiel bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I cannot offer you absolution unless you repent,” Castiel said gently.

“Don’t you wanna know what else I did?”

Not really. But it was his job. “If you would like to share, I am here to listen.”

There was silence for a few seconds. “The first day I came back to Mass, because my mom begged me to, you know? I sat in the back, but I still got a good look at the priest. Father Castiel. I mean, fuck, I know it’s a sin, but I couldn’t help thinking about how I wanted to bend him over that lectern and fuck him, rough and dirty.”

The voice was dripping with lust, words clearly meant to seduce. Castiel inhaled sharply, audibly, and winced. “You… ah…” Castiel started shakily. Fuck, why was his voice betraying him? “That’s a… sin, you know,” his voice was tinged with a hint of desperation. Goddamnit.

“I know I should be remorseful, but it felt so good when I got home to jerk myself off thinking about those pretty lips wrapped around my cock, my hand on the back of his head forcing my dick down his throat. He’d fucking _love it_ , I think, he seems like the type that exudes innocence and gentleness, but I know he’d be a slut for my cock.”

Castiel cursed his body quietly, cursed the arousal heating his body and sending a shiver of lust down his spine and into his belly, but clearly he didn’t curse quietly enough, because the dark laugh in response was followed by a “you shouldn’t swear, Father, I think it’s a sin or something.”

Castiel was silent for a moment, clenching his jaw, eyes shut tight.

“I wonder if he’s the type to beg, you know? I think about that, too. I mean, he wouldn’t be able to beg while I’m fucking his throat, but maybe when I get him bent over the lectern, or maybe a pew, or the baptismal font, and eat him out, or finger him hard, or teasing him with my cock. I bet he’d beg for it, beg me to get on with it and _hurry_ and to fuck him, please, and I bet he’d let me bareback it, beg me to cum inside him.”

Castiel’s mouth let out a traitorous whine, and he cursed again.

“I come to Mass every Sunday and Wednesday, just to watch him and imagine pushing his legs apart, sinking deep into him, bruising his hips with my hands, sucking bruises into his throat, just below the collar. I know it's a sin, Father, but I can’t help it, and I don’t want to stop. So… I guess I’ll go to hell, right?”

Castiel’s voice was quiet, rushing the prayer of absolution out in desperation. There was a confident “amen” and Castiel barely managed to bite out, “God has forgiven your sins. Go in peace.” It didn’t matter that he had forgotten to assign penance.

“Thanks be to God.”

Castiel heard a rustling of fabric, movement that meant the man on the other side of the confessional was standing. The man took a step or two, pausing before he left completely.

“I bet you think about me fucking you til you forget your own name, too, Father. Until all you can scream is my name, ‘Dean! Dean! Dean!’”

Castiel covered his mouth with his hand before he could whimper with want, already embarrassed by the full erection. Dean was the last of people in line for confession, and it would look weird for the priest to just sit inside forever so he _had_ to get it together. Fuck.

“See ya,” Dean said jauntily, exiting the confessional with confidence.

Castiel was going to have to pray the rosary maybe a thousand times that night. But only after he jerked off thinking about those tan arms holding him down, those green eyes looking at him with lust before twisting him around to bend him over. Over the lectern, or altar, or, fuck, Castiel didn’t care. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be forgiven, but right now he didn’t care if it meant he went to hell, Castiel wanted Dean _bad._

_Amplius lava me ab iniquitate mea  
Et a peccato meo munda me_

It was next Sunday, and Castiel wasn’t above praying for Dean to not attend Mass that day. He felt a bit guilty for doing so; none should be turned away from the Lord and the Church, but Castiel was feeling a bit selfish. He’d do penance later, confess his sins, but he figured one small sin is better than one _huge_ sin.

Castiel wasn’t so lucky. He entered the church, performing the rites as he made his way through the nave to the chancel. After finishing all of the rites and rituals and stepping up to the lectern, his eyes swept over his congregation. He locked gazes with Dean upon noticing him. Why did he always have to sit so close? Dean smirked, spreading his legs a little, enjoying the way Castiel couldn’t stop his gaze from trailing up and down Dean’s body. He wished there was some sort of dress code and that he could kick Dean out of the building for wearing such tight jeans… _fuck_. His eyes flicked to the man sitting next to Dean, longish hair, sitting close to Dean, and he leaned over to whisper something in Dean’s ear, causing the blond to throw back his head in laughter. Castiel did _not_ frown. He was _not_ jealous.

He refused to look at Dean for the rest of the service. Castiel hoped that Dean would head home after service, with his boyfriend or whatever, Castiel wasn’t bitter at all. Nope. Of course, if Castiel wasn’t lucky from the start, he wouldn’t start being lucky _now_ , and Dean had stuck around until most of the people had trickled out of the Church and nobody was talking to Castiel at the time.

The blond approached with a grin, long-haired-dude trailing behind him, until they stopped in front of him. The priest shot them a wan smile, eyes flicking to take in the _very_ tall man that had now caught up with them.

“Hey, Father!” Dean said cheerily. “This is my brother, Sam! I was telling him how _great_ the priest was and he wanted to come along and meet you.”

Castiel did _not_ look visibly relieved, no way. Dean’s grin widened and he winked at the priest. Castiel wanted to die.

“Hello, Sam,” Castiel responded, shaking his hand. “It’s very nice to meet you; I’m glad you decided to join us for Mass today.”

Sam nodded, smiling as well. Castiel could see the family resemblance in their smiles, although not much else indicated that they were brothers. “It’s so interesting! Observing all the different rites, and the way you preach. Anyway, thank you, Father.”

Castiel nodded. “I hope to see you with us next time,” he responded, glancing at Dean for a split second.

Sam followed his gaze and smirked. “Well, anyway, I think I’m going to head out, Jess will kill me if I’m late for lunch.”

“Sure thing, Sammy! See ya later,” Dean called after his brother. He waited until Sam was outside the church before turning to Father Castiel. “So…”

Castiel shifted uncomfortably. “I… uhhh… have to go, umm…”

“But Father, I need to talk to you,” Dean said quietly, stepping into the priest’s space. Castiel’s breath hitched and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again he was struck by the pretty forest green of his eyes… no, _no, no no no no._ No thinking about how fucking pretty Dean was. Absolutely _not_. Castiel frowned, taking a small step back. Dean followed it, leaning forward so his lips nearly brushed Castiel’s ear. From the viewpoint of other people, it would just look like Dean was whispering something to Father Castiel; it was probably something personal that he didn’t want others to hear. “You looked pretty jealous when you saw me sitting with Sam,” he purred, glancing around the room for a second and then stepping closer upon seeing nobody there. Castiel did _not_ let out an aroused whimper. Dean slid his hands down the priest’s sides, stopping to grab his hips.

“This is… ahh… _inappropriate_ ,” he hissed.

“Mmm, I told you I was a sinner,” Dean pressed Castiel back until he bumped into the wall of the sanctuary. He molded his body to the priest’s front, licking the shell of his ear before continuing his inappropriate whispering. “That little frown you got when you saw him was so _cute_ , Father. And when I took him up to say hello to you… don’t think I didn’t notice how cold you were until I told you he was my brother.”

Castiel shook his head, grabbing Dean’s biceps, intending to push him back and escape. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re jealous, Father. If you hadn’t avoided looking at me for the rest of Mass you would’ve been able to see how hard I was for you.”

The priest gasped, eyes closing. “ _Dean_ , this is… we can’t do this,” he whined. “You… this is _wrong_.”

“What’s wrong is how fucking pretty you are but choosing to be celibate. But I bet you don’t keep celibate, do you Father? How many times do you go out and get fucked, then spend the next few months doing penance as if that makes up for breaking your vows of celibacy?”

Castiel groaned, shaking his head. “That’s… I don’t—”

“Don’t lie to me, Father,” Dean growled, biting that spot just under the priest’s ear. Castiel wasn’t sure when one of his hands slid to the back of Dean’s head, the other wrapping itself around the man.

“ _How. Many. Times_ , Father?”

“I… just, just a few, not… it’s not a regular thing,” he said desperately, eyes opening again to watch Dean. When did he get so close?

“I’m going to make it a regular thing, Father,” Dean said with a wicked grin, rolling his hips against the priest’s. Castiel’s responding moan was a bit too loud, and he winced as it echoed around the main chamber. “I’m going to wait until everyone else leaves and then I’m going to fuck you after every Mass, Father. Bend you over that altar, oh, maybe we should make it rough and painful and I’ll use some holy water as lube?”

“ _No,_ ” Castiel gasped, shaking his head. “That’s—that’s _sacrilege_ , Dean, we can’t, that’s too far,” he hissed when Dean slipped his hands around to grab the Father’s ass, grinding against him roughly. He couldn’t stop himself from reciprocating, tugging at Dean’s hair and gripping the back of his shirt with his free hand. “ _Fuck_ , Dean, you can’t…”

“Do you want me to stop?” Dean whispered, nipping at the priest’s ear. “If you really want me to stop, I’ll stop…”

Castiel bit his lip, eyes squeezed closed. “I… I don’t…”

Dean’s hands nudged aside the priest’s Mass vestments and slipped a hand down the back of Castiel’s pants, gripping the flesh there. “ _Tell me_ , Father.”

“Don’t stop,” Castiel gasped, rocking against Dean. He was so going to hell. At the moment, he didn’t really care.

“Fuck yeah,” Dean said with a grin, spreading Castiel’s legs a bit before continuing the rough, slow grind against the priest. “I can feel how hard you are, even through these ugly green robes. Come on, take me to the back, I’ll make you cum so hard you see stars,” he hissed.

“ _Yes_ ,” Castiel groaned, pushing Dean back enough to escape from under him, heading with quick steps toward the vestry. He glanced back at Dean, making sure the man was following, and almost knocked himself over at how close the man was. Dean grinned, steadying the priest and pushing him forward. Castiel stumbled into the small room, pulling Dean with him. He slammed the door closed, locked it, and then Dean pulled at his vestments roughly, tossing them to the ground carelessly. He stepped back, eyeing Castiel’s form, enjoying how obvious the priest’s erection was through his black pants, how wild the priest’s eyes were, and his flushed face. Dean couldn’t help pulling his phone out to take a picture.

“What are you—” The click of the camera taking a picture made Castiel stumble forward in an attempt to take the phone.

“Calm down, Father,” Dean purred. “I’m not going to send it to anyone. This picture is for _me_ , to jerk off to when I’m not fucking you.”

He pushed his phone into his back pocket, pulling Castiel further into the room, twisting and pressing him against the mirrors that made up the closet doors. “Do you want me to fuck you here, Father? Or do you want me to finger you, sucking bruises into your skin, just below your clerical collar. Do you want me to take your cock down my throat? I kind of want you to fuck my face. I know you’ve got a rough and kinky side inside that demure, celibate appearance, Father Castiel.”

He couldn’t respond, overwhelmed with the sensation of Dean undoing his belt, pulling it out of the belt loops and dropping it on the floor on top of the vestments. His pants were unbuttoned and unzipped, and Dean slid them down to his thighs alongside his underwear, whispering filthy things into his ear. He wasn’t paying attention to anything besides Dean’s hands gripping his ass, one of his fingers pressed against his hole.

“ _Fuck_ , Dean,” he whined.

“Yeah, baby, I think I want to fuck you too. Think you can be quiet? Maybe after Wednesday’s night service and after everyone’s gone home I can fuck you over the altar and I can make you scream my name, but right now I need you to keep those pretty little noises down low,” Dean bit down on the juncture of the priest’s neck and shoulder roughly, jerking the man against him hard. “I can’t wait to get my cock in that tight little ass, fuck you hard like I know you want. Do you think about me when you jerk yourself off?”

“I don’t—”

“Don’t lie to me Father, it’s a sin,” Dean said, amusement tinging his voice.

“Every time,” the priest responded breathlessly. “You’re all I can think about,” he whined.

“Yeah?” Dean started unbuttoning the priest’s shirt as he listened. “What do you think about?”

Castiel was silent, blush staining his cheeks red. “ _Tell me_ ,” Dean ordered with a growl.

The priest whimpered, tilting his head back. “Bending… _oh_ ,” he gasped as Dean’s hand pressed against his erection. “Bending me ov—over the altar,” he moaned, clenching his teeth as Dean pulled his pants and underwear all the way down, kissing his thigh and licking _so close_ to his dick. He helped the priest out of his shoes and his clothes from waist down before standing, unbuttoning the shirt from the clerical collar and sliding it off his shoulders.

“Yeah? Do you want me to fuck you hard?” Dean purred.

Castiel frowned, distracted momentarily. “Why aren’t you taking the collar off?” he questioned, panting.

“I’ve got a priest kink,” Dean responded with a wolfish grin. Castiel bit his lip hard, spreading his legs a fraction as Dean gripped his cock and jerked it a few times.

“ _Dean_!” he yelped.

“Answer my earlier question, Father.”

Castiel frowned, trying to remember what Dean was talking about. “I—what?”

“Do you want me to fuck you hard, _Father_?”

The priest let out a low groan. “ _Yes_. _Fuck,_ Dean, fuck me hard, I need it, _please_ ,” he whimpered.

“Such a dirty mouth, Father,” Dean purred. “Don’t worry, baby, I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll have trouble sitting for a few days.”

Castiel inhaled sharply, licking his lips, giving the man an intense look. “ _Yes_ , Dean, fuck me so hard I can’t stand,” he whined.

“Hands and knees, baby,” the blond whispered, giving Castiel’s cheek a tender kiss. The priest nodded frantically, scrambling to follow Dean’s instruction while the man stripped. He knelt behind Castiel, sliding his hands over the globes of his ass, smacking one playfully. The priest yelped, twisting his head back to glare at Dean.

“That was uncalled for,” he grumbled.

“Mmm, but fun,” Dean responded with a grin. He pulled a condom and some packets of lube from his pocket, setting them aside. He leaned in, biting Castiel gently, swirling his tongue around the priest’s tailbone. Castiel gasped, resting his forehead on his crossed arms.

“ _Dean_ , what are you doing?” he whimpered.

“Having fun, getting you off, etcetera. You’ll enjoy it, now shut up,” he responded, spreading Castiel’s ass again and leaning in, swiping his tongue across the priest’s hole. The man yelped, jerking his hips.

“That’s—why are you—I don’t—”

“ _Shut. Up_.” Dean ordered, leaning back in to swirl his tongue around, pressing the tip inside Castiel a fraction. The man gasped, hips shifting involuntarily, but he didn’t speak. “Good boy,” Dean praised, licking the man roughly and pressing his tongue further inside him.

“Oh god, _yes_ ,” Castiel responded finally. Dean pulled back to laugh. “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain,” he admonished.

“I’m also not supposed to fornicate with men,” Castiel responded sharply. “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.”

“Mmm, yeah, talk holy for me, baby,”

“Fuck you,” Castiel hissed in response.

“Nah, it’s _you_ who’s gonna get fucked today.”

“Then hurry up!” he whined, rocking his hips against the fingers that were pressing against his entrance. When did that happen? The slick finger pressed into him and the priest responded with a loud moan and hips snapping back, taking more of the finger inside of him. “ _Yes_ , Dean, yes, _more_ ,” he whined, gasping.

“Damn, baby, you been fingering yourself thinking about me?”

“This— _fuck_ —morning, couldn’t, nnngghh,” he shook his head, gritting his teeth. “Couldn’t start until I, ah, took care of myself,” Castiel was panting at this point, his legs spread wide, enjoying the press of a second finger and feeling them deep inside him. Dean crooked his fingers minutely and pressed against that little spot inside him that made him whine loudly, thighs shaking unsteadily.

“So fucking hot,” Dean growled. “God _damn_ , baby, when’s the last time you got fucked?”

“M-maybe ah…” Castiel swore as Dean slid another finger inside, pressing roughly against his prostate. “Come _on_ , Dean, come on, I want it so bad,” he whined.

“Answer the question, Father,” the man answered, smirking and ignoring the priest’s begging.

“A few years ago? Maybe 2 or 3?”

“It’s gonna be only me from now on, Father. I’m gonna take care of you, keep you happy, and you’re gonna let me fuck you hard and fast,” he responded, spreading his fingers inside Castiel for a few more seconds before withdrawing them, wiping them off on the holy vestments at their knees.

“ _Please_ , Dean, please, fuck, fuck me so hard, I need it, I need your cock,” the priest gasped. Dean laughed quietly, spreading more lubricant on and inside Castiel, sliding on the condom and then slicking himself up, and finally pressing himself against the priest’s entrance.

“Ready, Father?” he asked, voice low and seductive.

“ _Fuck me_ , Dean!” he growled.

The man slid in, bottoming out in one slow, graceful slide. Castiel arched his back, pressing Dean even further into him. “Oh god,” he whimpered, shaking his head. “Feels so good, Dean, fuck, I need it so bad,” he whined.

“Taking the Lord’s name in vain again? Such a naughty boy. First you’re letting yourself get fucked by a member of the congregation, swearing, and now breaking one of the Ten Commandments,” Dean teased, voice tight as he slid out and back in, starting up a steady, slow rhythm. He was losing his ability to think as well, enjoying the sweat dripping down Castiel’s pretty, arched back. “You look so good with my cock thrusting into your ass,” he groaned.

“ _Yes_! Yes, fuck me, _please_ , harder!”

“Yeah, baby, you want it hard, don’t you? Taking a vow of celibacy when you’re such a little slut is a bad idea, isn’t it?”

“I’m not a—”

“Yes you are, Father, you’re a slut, taking my cock, you don’t even know me,” Dean hissed. “You’ve talked to me maybe four times before, but the second you saw me you were undressing me with your eyes. Took you a fucking month to say something besides hello to me, bet you were scared you’d beg me to fuck you if you talked to me.”

“Yes, yes, yes, wanted you so bad, Dean,” he whimpered. “Saw you the first day and went home and jerked off thinking about you fucking me until I passed out,” he gasped. “ _Fuck_ , Dean, _harder_!”

“Well, since you asked so nicely, _Father_ ,” Dean responded with a grin, fucking into the man roughly, rocking them forward. Castiel’s loud moan was muffled by the fist he was biting. He grinded back against Dean’s dick every time the man thrusted forward.

“You’re a fucking _whore_ , but you’re _my_ whore, isn’t that right?”

“Yes! Yes, Dean, _yours_ , fuck, so good,” he grunted as Dean gave him a particularly rough thrust, the priest sliding forward a few inches at the strength of it. The rhythmic smack of skin on skin, the slick sounds that came from Dean fucking into that tight hole, it made Castiel even harder. He had forgotten how big of a turn on the sound of sex was.

“Tell me what you are,” Dean growled.

“I’m a—I’m a slut, Dean, your slut,” he whimpered.

“Yeah? My little whore, my fucking cumslut, gonna make you my bitch, eventually fuck you bareback, no condom, cum deep in you. You want that?”

“Yes!” Castiel shouted, moaning loudly. “F-fuck, make me, _nnggh_ ,” his thighs were shaking, he was so fucking _close_. “Please, please let me cum, _please_ Dean!”

“Not yet, Father, not yet. I wanna hear you tell me how badly you want my cum.”

“Want it so bad, Dean, you have no idea,” the corners of his eyes were pricking with tears now from the force of the thrusts, the barely-there slide of Dean’s thick cock against his prostate. If he could just shift a few inches…

“C’mon, Father, need more than that, then I’ll really give it to you,” Dean responded, losing his rhythm.

“W-want you to cum in me, _fuck_ , fill me up, wanna plug it in me and give fucking Mass with your cum inside me, _god_ , then fuck me after, use your cum as lube.”

“Holy shit,” Dean gasped, shocked at how dirty the priest’s words were, and that fantasy… “Yeah, baby, don’t worry, we’ll do that eventually,” his thrusts were erratic, sloppy, deep. He changed angles, cock slamming into the priest’s prostate roughly, one, two, three—“Cum, Cas, cum for me,” Dean called out.

The combination of feeling Dean’s dick thrusting directly against his prostate and being called Cas instead of Father forced an orgasm so intense out of him that his vision actually whited out and he saw stars for a few moments. He could feel Dean’s cock pulsing inside of him, the man riding out his orgasm as the priest slumped down on the floor. He was so sensitive, but the pain from being fucked post-orgasm was so _good_ , and Dean’s thrusts eventually faltered and he collapsed on top of Castiel with a grunt.

Ragged breathing filled the room, both Dean and Castiel struggling to gain control of their breath. Eventually, Castiel’s rapid heartbeat subsided and he wiggled. “Get off me,” he groaned. “You’re so fucking heavy.”

Dean grinned, rocking his hips gently against Cas. His cock was still inside the man, and although he wasn’t hard, the motion of Dean grinding against him made him shiver. Dean slid out and off Castiel, pulling the condom off and tying it, tossing it aside carelessly.

Castiel covered his face with his hands, blinking back the tears of shame that overwhelmed him. He did it _again_ , why couldn’t he fucking control himself? The vow of celibacy wasn’t meaningless to him, and he felt terrible for constantly breaking it. It couldn’t happen again, he’d have to do penance, maybe spend every spare moment helping out at food shelters or praying, or—his thoughts were interrupted by Dean’s strong arms pulling the priest against him, kissing the back of his neck.

“I can practically feel the second-hand shame,” Dean said gently. Castiel couldn’t help but to lean against the man, enjoying the embrace. Dean kissed the side of Castiel’s neck next, reaching a hand up to wipe away the unshed tears. “You know, there are some people questioning the choice to make priests vow to be celibate. It wasn’t until like 1,000 years after Church was established that the practice was formally adopted, and there’s reason to believe that most of the early Church leaders were married…”

Castiel shifted to look at Dean with a frown. “Since when did you start studying Church history?”

Dean shrugged, glancing away. “Since I saw you and knew I wanted to be with you, basically,” he mumbled, being the one to blush now.

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, twisting completely to face the other man. “Dean? What do you mean ‘be with me’?” he questioned slowly, voice low.

Dean shook his head. “Nothing, doesn’t matter, ignore me.”

“Tell me, Dean,” he reached forward, trailing his hand down the man’s neck.

“I mean, it’s stupid, because it’s not like you’d give up the priesthood for me, it’s just a stupid crush or whatever,” Dean murmured, voice almost too low to be heard.

Castiel was quiet for a while. “You like me enough that you’d want me to leave the priesthood…?”

“Ah, well, I don’t really… we don’t really know each other that well, but I mean… uh, just… never mind.”

Castiel nodded, frowning. He shifted closer. “But you… want this to become a regular thing?” he whispered, looking away.

Dean pulled the priest close, kissing his forehead gently. “More than just a sex thing. But… kinky sex over the altar or in the center of the chapel isn’t off the table…”

Castiel shuddered, gripping Dean’s arm tightly. Dean leaned forward, lips brushing against the priest’s, then pressing more insistently. Castiel fell into the kiss, enjoying the languid press of lips and tangling of tongues and the feeling of Dean tightening his grip on him, petting down Castiel’s back and rubbing circles on his lower back. How strange it was that it wasn’t until _after_ being fucked hard and dirty that they first kissed.

Dean pulled back, resting his forehead against Castiel’s. “Your eyes are unreal, Cas,” he murmured. “Like fucking… I dunno, sapphires or something.”

The priest raised an eyebrow. “Did you just call me Cas?” he questioned, enjoying the press of Dean against him and the warmth of the other man.

“Yeah,” Dean responded, smirking. “Not gonna stop, either.”

His spine tingled at being given a nickname. It was so _intimate_. All Castiel could say to that was a quiet, “All right.”

“I’ll call you Father in front of other people or when we’re fucking,” Dean winked. Castiel smiled, laughing quietly. “Damn, first time I get you to smile and laugh and it’s with a promise to keep referring to your priesthood strictly within kinky sex or public discussion.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, sitting up. “We should get dressed,” he said, patting Dean’s hip as he stood up, wincing at the feeling of tacky cum over his belly and eyeing the stain on the hardwood flooring. Dean smirked, swatting Castiel’s ass and grabbing a paper towel from the sink in the corner of the vestry, dampening it and then gently cleaning Cas and wiping up the floor. He wrapped it around the condom and deposited it in the trash, following the priest’s lead and getting dressed.

Castiel had finished buttoning on the clerical collar and tucking in his black shirt before Dean pulled the priest against him. The man kissed Castiel gently, then pressed small, fleeting kisses down his neck. “You have a phone, right?” Dean asked, pulling back and looking at the priest questioningly.

“Yes…”

“Give me the number, so I can text you dirty things,” Dean responded, winking. Castiel blushed, shaking his head but rattling off his number for Dean. “All right… sent you a text so you have mine.” Dean smiled, wrapping his arms loosely around the priest again. “I gotta go… feel free to text me if you get lonely… actually, I want you to text me every time you wanna jerk off, I’ll walk you through it,” he grinned.

Castiel inhaled shakily. “All right,” he responded, taking a moment to lean in and nuzzle against Dean’s neck. It had been _so long_ since he had gotten affection like this. He hadn’t realized how touch-starved he was until Dean had pressed him against the wall in the chapel.

“See you soon, baby,” Dean whispered, pressing a fleeting kiss to Castiel’s lips before escaping the vestry.

Castiel slumped against the wall, running his hands through his hair. This was _such_ a bad idea… but it felt so right, and he _needed_ it, and could God really judge him for seeking out affection and love? He slipped out of the small room, shutting it behind him and sitting down in a pew in the front. He looked at the prominent, golden crucifix against the back wall, behind the altar, and sighed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, as if apologizing to the big fake Jesus would absolve him from his sins. “I’m sorry, God, but I just… it’s… I can’t stop,” Castiel’s voice broke on the last bit. He bit his lower lip and felt the sting of tears again. “I don’t want to, either.” The priest sighed, shaking his head. “He’s so _pretty_ , and the way he touches me… it’s different, I feel like… it could actually be something. I hope you will forgive me,” he said quietly, standing. He stepped closer to the crucifix and then genuflected, pausing before starting to pray, voice tight and strained with the effort to not cry.

“Our Father who art in Heaven,” Castiel started, inhaling deeply though his breath rattled. “Hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.” Castiel had to pause to regain control of himself. _You can cry when you get home, Castiel._ “Give us this day our daily bread; And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us; And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil.”

The priest knelt on both knees now, bowing his head deeply. “Forgive me,” he whispered, keeping the position for what must have been near an hour. He sat back, pulling out his rosary. He made the sign of the cross and then slipped into praying the rosary. Another hour spent repeating it before he finally stood, sighing, moving back to the vestry to grab his personal belongings and head out to the parking lot. He was so fucked.

 

_Anima Christi, sanctifica me._  
_Corpus Christi, salva me._  
 _Sanguis Christi, inebria me._  
 _Aqua lateris Christi, lava me._

**Author's Note:**

> There will probably be more. But I'm not promising anything.
> 
> "Miserere mei, Deus" is the title of a psalm/hymn called Forgive me, God (and that's what it means)
> 
> //
> 
> Latin:  
> "Averte faciem tuam a peccatis meis  
> Et omnes iniquitates meas dele  
> Cor mundum crea in me Deus  
> Et spiritum rectum innova in visceribus meis"
> 
> English:  
> "Turn your face away from my sins  
> And erase all of my iniquities  
> Create in me a pure heart, oh, God,  
> And renew your right spirit within me"
> 
> //
> 
> Latin:  
> "Amplius lava me ab iniquitate mea  
> Et a peccato meo munda me"
> 
> English:  
> "Wash me completely from my iniquities  
> And cleanse me of my sins"
> 
> //
> 
> Latin:  
> "Anima Christi, sanctifica me.  
> Corpus Christi, salva me.  
> Sanguis Christi, inebria me.  
> Aqua lateris Christi, lava me."
> 
> English:  
> "Soul of Christ, sanctify me  
> Body of Christ, save me  
> Blood of Christ, inebriate me  
> Water from the side of Christ, wash me"
> 
> //
> 
> The first two were taken from the hymn that is the name of this fic, the last from the prayer Anima Christi.


End file.
